CANCER: Bad news comes in many ways....

You know, I am quickly heading into the one year mark of my cancer diagnosis.  (May 1, ya'll.) and the only thing I have to say about it is that I am STILL floored by the way bad news is given to me. I tell ya, it's an art, folks.

Today, while climbing into my car, I noticed that my left arm hurt- BADLY. And it was swollen- like I could see the swelling through my gigantic, Olsen-twin inspired sweater, even....So, I did what any rational person would do. I waited to see if it would just "go away."

Now, you know I should know better than that!

So, I took it a step further. I phoned my oncologist's office and left a message with awesome nurse Sue. And, then I swallowed 200 mgs of ibuprofen. Oddly, the pain wasn't going away. But I rationalized it by thinking it felt a lot like carpal tunnel syndrome.

A couple of hours later, Nurse Sue phoned me back. She told me that according to the good Dr. Wahl, I probably had something wrong with my brachial plexus. Now if you don't know what that is, don't feel bad. Neither did I. So, I asked. She told me that the radiation treatment affected my heart (?) and that there was nerve damage. So, of course, I asked- "Um, so how long will I have this problem." She replied: "For a while." I then asked: "So, how long is a while?" She got quiet and stated- "a while." So, I said: "Now since we're taking a stab at this by phone, can you recommend some expert I can talk to who can confirm that this is actually what I have?" She said, "I'm not sure who you would need to call." Realizing I wasn't getting ANYWHERE, I just said a polite thanks and hung up the phone.

....usher in the Google search.....

Turns out, if the phone diagnosis is right, I have something called: Radiation Induced Brachial Plexopathy or RIBP for short. And, get this- it cause permanent paralysis of the arm. Now, this paralysis can take mere months to go into full effect- or even years. However, the road is straightforward. My arm and hand will swell and hurt. I will have lymphedema and more importantly, there is no cure.

I am so, so bummed. I mean, you would think I would have gotten accustomed to crappy news- break up by text? GOT IT. Nasty email? SURE! Hateful snail mail? BRING IT!  Seriously. But, I find that it's just new heartbreak all over again. I think it would be helpful if some smart cancer doctor out there could figure out a way to paralyze feelings. It would really make this experience so much more tolerable.

So, what am I gonna do, you may inquire? Well, that's an easy one. For now, I am gonna use the HELL out of my left arm until it gives up the ghost. I am also going to find the right freakin' doctor, darken their doorstep, and basically haunt them until there's a cure.