CANCER: What I did on my summer vacation

AHHHH!!! The kids got out of school last Friday. And that can mean only one thing: summer is here. For those of you who live in Seattle, you know what heartache we all endure during the month of Juneuary- 60 degrees, sideways rain, polartech- while the rest of the country is running around scantily clad like they're in some kind of Old Navy ad. Well, since I can not bring the proverbial mountain to me, I head to the mountain....

So, last weekend the kids and I began slouching towards my hometown, Dayton, OH. Not especially known for it's tourism industry, it does offer every summer amenity I need including: blue sky, warm weather, crickets, lightning bugs, pools of chlorinated water....oh and my family. Duh!

Now this is my first time travelling as a cancer patient. And, I was told to expect a fully cavity search from TSA. I arrived at the airport armed. I had my snarky cancer patient bracelet, short hair cut, and a doctor's note. Turns out all I need to do was undergo a full body scan and a body pat down that reminded me of some of the stuff I had to endure in junior high. Trust me, there was no eye contact.

First day home we headed out to non-other than the Sherwood Forest Pool. It's a private pool that isn't anywhere near a forest. But, swim we did....

Tuesday- Two major events happended. First,  I had my head shaved. Head shaving came about because while talking to my mom, I ran my hand through my "cute" hair cut. And a lap full of hair fell out. Now, look- there are some things I don't mind having a lap full of. This would include things like warm laundry, the squirmy bodies of my freshly bathed children or the occasional stripper. I draw the line, however at snakes, dead animals and my hair. I think it is really good to have standards.

Second, I met my Dayton oncologist, Dr. James Sabiers.He's with the Greater Dayon Cancer Center. Now, before I launch into Dr. S, lemme tell you about this office. Everything that I have come to know and love about Swedish Issaquah- where really, life is better- has been thrown out the window in Dayton. Now don't get me wrong- I'm not about to talk shit about how much Dayton sucks. The first reason is simply because it isn't true. And the second reason is because, well..it isn't true....

The first thing I noticed was that every freakin' person in the joint was at least 60 years old. And, they all had full heads of hair. It got me thinking just what kinda drugs are they giving these folks? Here I am, 43 and bald as hell.....

The second thing was how the infusion room was set up. Instead of my usual nice corner suite, overlooking a prairie, I saw a huge, open room, filled with hospital grade laz-y boys, facing one another.

Third, the blood draw room was also a huge space, no curtains and basically an open call for anyone who needed bloodwork done that day.

I immediately felt exposed and vulnerable. I hated it.

Then I was whisked back to meet my new savior, Dr. Sabiers. Now I don't know if any of you all remember him, but when I first laid eyes on this guy, I immediately thought of none other than Captain Kangaroo. Dr S. has a very gentle voice, a full head of white hair and excellent penmanship. I wanted to curl up right there and have him read me a story. Instead, he launches into the cancer diatribe. Blah, blah, blah....if you're gonna have cancer, this is the one you want...We're gonna treat you with ABVD....be wary of nausea.....blah, blah, blah and so on and so forth....

He then tells me something that positively stopped me in my tracks-He told me that there is some concern about lung scarring from the drugs. It can be fatal. What the Hell? Now don't get me wrong, cancer is some serious business. And I take it very seriously. But, what freakin' Disney movie have I been living in all these months to not even think about the drugs actually being the fatal flaw? Ugh! I was distressed.

So I did what any rational person would do: I emailed my Issaquah oncologist, the good Dr. K. Now, Dr. K reassured me that everything will be ok. He even sent me a little :( emoticon to let me know he was sad that I wasn't enjoying myself....Truly....

Finally, it was Wednesday. I was as ready as one could be, for it was none other than Chemo Wednesday. I rolled up to the chemo office. Picked a lazy-boy and got myself plugged in by none other than the very competent Nurse Patty. Now in Issaquah, there are these major drug protocols including me confirming my name and birthdate prior to the administration of all four chemo drugs. Contrast that to Dayton. Nurse Patty swings by with all of my drugs in a box. They even combined two of my anti-nausea drugs. And there was none of that name checking business. When one drug was done, she would swing by and pop in the next one, and so on and so forth. It was efficient if not a little scary, as I wanted to make sure my name was on that stuff...

Also, while hanging out, we were offered trays of breakfast pasteries. I'm talking bear claws, powdered donuts, apple crisp...you name it. I asked Nurse Patty about this- cuz this shit does NOT happen in Issaquah...they don't even sell soda in that hospital, let alone some damn donut. Nurse Patty kindly chirped back: "oh, a little sugar won't hurt ya." I fell in love and grabbed a bagel loaded with full-fat cream cheese and ate it. Yes, I DID!

When all was finished, they simply pulled the needle out of my port, slapped a band-aid on me and sent me out the door. Yes, it was just that simple.

It made me pause for a minute and think. Ohioans are a tough breed of people. Out in Seattle, where I love it so, we like to think of ourselves as pioneers- what with all the entreprenuers, fancy camping gear, and organic food. However, Ohio really is the heart of it all. This is where the pioneers are born and raised. Sure, we take off for regions near and far. But those who stick around- they're not spending time being impressed with all that fancy living. This is the place where your chemo drugs come in a box and you get served donuts and they slap a band-aid on your port and tell you to get on with your life. For this reminder,  I am truly grateful.

I go back to see Dr. S next week and chemo again on July 5. Summer vacation is shaping up rather nicely, wouldn't you say?