CANCER: Sweet Emotion

This past Friday I celebrated "Chemo Friday." This was the second session, thus completing my first round! YAY! Well....more like yay?

I got my ass handed to me. But before I go into that, I must share:

I arrived on time- which is saying a lot for a gal like me....This week's cast included a special guest appearance from Atlanta, little bro- Chris Fields and WCDO, Paul who did a chemo drive by. (The man does have a real job, after all...)

Nurse Debbie clipped into the room. Asked me how I was feeling- response: "Sometimes like Hell. Sometimes fine..." She was cool with that. She then asked about any physical changes. Well, now you all know about my, ahem....chest situation. We shared a laugh over that fun fact, cuz see we're bonding like that....Then I mentioned my slightly swollen left arm. Now, most of you who know me, know for a FACT that I am not an "athletic" person. And, in the past my arms have been compared to oh...knobby tree twigs. So, it's readily apparent when one of my arms undergoes some sort of physical change. Nurse Debbie did that thing that all medically trained professionals do you when some shit is going down....she got quiet. No more giggles....Then she said: "Lemme go grab your doctor." Damn.

Dr. K came in. Now, this dude is seriously walking on clouds out there in Issaquah. He took one look and said: "Well, it doesn't look like a blood clot. But let's order an ultrasound just to be sure." I shoulda bet him dinner......He was wrong. One ultrasound later, turns out I have a tiny little blood clot around my "port." I was able to do chemo as things dripped in just fine. But, my consolation prize was a trip to the anti-coagulation team. My newest team member is Veronica E. Esquibel, Pharm.D. My prize is two new blood thinner drugs, including Coumadin. Apparently I am to hermetically seal myself in bubble wrap for the next six months and avoid all sharp objects.

Poor Veronica....she's nice. And lately I've discovered something about myself- I am not. 

Oh sure, the cancer literature says stuff like: "It is normal to feel a lot of different emotions when undergoing cancer treatment including, depression, sadness, loneliness." Yeah, yeah, yeah....But here's what I feel: I'm that bitchy woman who wants to kick old people- especially the healthy ones. I want to run pedestrians over, simply because they have the energy to actually WALK. And don't even get me started on my homicidal tendencies towards anyone brave enough to eat something sweet in front of me....That's right folks, I got full on rage....rooted in envy. Such an ugly, ugly emotion. But, there it is: front and center in my existence. 

Now, here's the kicker...I have a lot of siblings. For this I am truly blessed and grateful. I know the value of having people in my life I can get stuff from like, kidneys and bone marrow. I don't take it lightly.....However, my little/big brother is a huge pain in my ass. The whole: "She's my sister and I'm worried about her" drives me bat-shit crazy. Not to mention, all of the crappy advice: "Sit down." "Are you sure your kids are ok?" and of course: "How are you feeling?" Makes me want to choke a person.....But when I get to that place, I know it's time to stop, stop, stop and remember to hug, hug, hug. That's right folks- WWYD? Surrender and accept the fact that I can still love someone enough to want to choke and hug them simultaneously. I call it "chug." 

So, you've all been warned: I'm in a chug-state of mind. And, I guess that's what I need as I am staring down round-two, and a month-long stay in my hometown surrounded by more siblings- who will be there, through thick and thin. Sending lots of chugs....

To quote Rocky: "Ding-ding."