CANCER: ABVD...LMNOP

Well, the long awaited day arrived...I attended my inaugural chemo session. One down- 11 more to go...don't hold me to that though.

So, here's the quick and dirty on the session itself: I was terrified out of my skull and my body proved it to be true. That's right: heart rate at 88 BPM and a blood pressure reading of 138 over 88 (compared to my normal 60 BPM and 106/60 BP)- WHAT???  Nurse Debbie- who is just getting to know me, mind you, stated: "Honey, you strike me as one of those people who appear calm on the outside but are really nervous inside." I replied: "Ha! What do you know? I'm pretty transparent about how I feel. And right now, I feel terrified." Nurse Debbie will soon learn just how much I appreciate armchair psycho-therapy....

I arrived relatively on time. I was staffed up with the best team a gal could ask for: my mom and my West Coast Director of Operations, Paul. I was well numbed up thanks to my lidocaine application. And, well, was as ready as ever. BUT WAIT...not really. I needed someone to hold my hand while the needle was inserted into my port. Paul very kindly sat next to me and horse-whispered my terrified ass right on through it. I watched my mother's face just to make sure everything was going fine. When she smiled I KNEW I made it through the woods. Thanks guys!

So, why the alphabet soup? Well, the first four letters represent the four drug therapy I am on. Now in cancer world, I learned that every drug has two names. So helpful when they're plying you with radioactive drugs.....

Let's start with A- which actually stands for Doxorubicin. Now, the only thing you need to know about this one is that well, it's radioactive and it makes your pee look like there's blood in it.

B- Bleomycin- another crazy ass drug that will make me set off alarms at the airport.

V-Vinblastine- I have no idea what this does. Though, I think it's one of the antibiotics??

D- Dacarbazine- Again, another antibiotic.

Ok, that's the boring stuff. Where things get interesting is with the 45 minutes of anti-nausea medication they start me off with. Now, I don't know all the drugs they used, but one is a steroid: Doxycyclene. Now, Nurse Debbie talked ALOT of shit about this drug. I was told: "It *may* make you jittery and anxious. You may need to take an additional drug to help manage your "anxiety." In short, I was kinda dreading it. But, that was a mistake!

 I felt fine after my session. Even went to an 8:40 PM showing of the Avengers- which I highly recommend. I fell asleep about an hour into the movie. (Trust me, it was still good. I have cancer...) I must of dozed for about 15 minutes?? When I woke up the first thought I had was: "Man, that was a GREAT nap." And, then....well...this is when things got interesting....I developed incredibly amorous feelings for well, a man....And kept wishing that we were in a more, uhm...private venue....(And, my overtures we're flatly DE-NIED, citing "Honey, not while your mom's in town." What? Like we're in high school....)So, home to bed- alone I went. It's like I'm married all over again...sigh!

HOLY CRAP! At approximately 5:04 this morning, I awoke with several thoughts swirling through my head. I'll share them with you:

1) Where the Hell is Paul as I'm still in the mood for LOVE...dude, really....
2) I need to pressure wash the moss from the roof of my house...and while I'm at it
3) Why don't I nip down to Haiti and build a few houses?
4) And when done with that, let's run to a firing range where I can go catch bullets with my teeth...

In short, I LOVE steroids. And to all the professional athletes out there, I have ONE thing to say to you: I get it. To be able to feel both invincible and amorous at the same time? Are you kidding me? Oh, and did I also mention it suppresses my appetite? So, I'll be a skinny, horny, invincible bitch. Why aren't we all on these drugs?

In short, I have never felt better in my life.  And in about 36 - 48 hours you will find me curled up in fetal position. That's cancer for you....