CANCER: Unremarkable me....

May 17, 2013 fell on a Friday. And, May 17, 2012 fell on a Thursday.

Though, let's compare and contrast the two dates:

2013, I woke up, showered, kissed my mom goodbye, got an MRI/MRA at Swedish Issaquah and then hopped a NYC bound plane....hung out on the isle of Manhattan and then took off for St. Martin for a full week of bikini clad, rest and relaxation....

2012- I am fairly certain I woke up and showered. I also headed over to Swedish Issaquah- with my mom in tow....and watched my blood pressure hover in the area of heart attack vicinity, as I was plugged in for my very first chemo treatment.

I know...Which two things are NOT like the other?

In 2012, I was working on the whole "trying to stay alive" thing. Whereas in 2013, like Inspector Clouseau I am trying to figure out just what event in 2012 caused my left arm to swell and left hand to hurt like it is on fire....

Now, you know ALL about the messed up, over the phone, shitty diagnosis about my arm dying. And, today you are going to find out that according to this year's test "it appears that there is an area of narrowing involving the subclavian vein that may be accounting for the arm swelling.....the segmental stenosis or occlusion of the proximal subclavian vein is over a distance of about 2.2 cm." Also, "The MRI of the bundle of nerves around the armpit area was fine." And my "bones are unremarkable."

Now, narrowing of the subclavian vein, I can understand....segmental stenosis, I get too. But I draw the line at unremarkable bones. You can say all kinds of stuff about me. But, there is nothing, I repeat nothing, unremarkable about me. I am gonna have to speak to management about editing that document to accurately reflect the character of my bones. Trust me when I tell you- they are remarkable.

Ok- all kidding aside, just what in the hell does all of this mean? Well, Dr. Ani Mai- lady of few words, sent me an email stating: "I'd like to send you to a vascular surgeon to take a look at it." And after reading all of this foolishness, I wanted to reply: "Dr. Mai, I would like to send you to the moon..."

I refrained.

So, here's where it's at: Thanks to the remarkable cancer treatments that saved my very life, I have the veins of an 80 year old smoker who apparently has eaten bacon at every meal for the past 60 years. And, the end result is I gotta go talk to a surgeon. And we all know what that means: I'm probably gonna  be put under, cut open, have something removed, and maybe something put in its place- as an outpatient procedure. And maybe, just maybe if I'm lucky, get put on some drug that all of my parents' 70 year old friends are taking, for the rest of my life.

If I'm right, I swear to GOD- I am never, ever gonna exercise again. And I'm gonna stuff my face full of beautiful donuts. And my soul will be calm as cool water just knowing despite what the doctor's say, I have remarkable bones.

Next up: Friday's 10:00 AM appointment with poor unsuspecting vascular surgeon, Dr. Lang.....